The Thing I Kept to Myself for These 2 Years

Hmmm, I dunno if I have told someone about this before or not, but well … so I think most of you know I kinda dislike and dispise some things about my family, and of course I am not a good family member.

So, on March 2020, my granpa passed away. Before that, he was on the hospital for one or two weeks, then he was home again after that since he said he wanted to go home. He was forgetting things and cannot do anything by himself, it was even hard for him to stand up—I think some of you know if I said "old people things".

Anyway, I did not help much when he was sick since I kinda … um … bad at communicating with my family, especially if with my grandpa who was forgetting things. He keep saying he wanted to get up so asked people for help, and my mom sometimes told me to watch over him and just pretend I did not have any strength to pull him up. That was the only thing I could do for him. And, well, of course I also visited him on the hospital when my mom asked me to come with her. That all.

I cannot say I was that close with my grandpa for the last ten years, but he sometimes took me with his bicycle to the convenient store when I was little. Anyway, I do not think as a good granddaughter for him. But, well, funnily, most of my aunties and uncles said that I was his favourite and he love me the most. I think that's not the case. He still remember me and my siblings even if he forgetting things, yeah. But that was because we lived in the same house.

Sometines I feel sad when people said my grandpa loves me the most because I do not think I did enough for him. My mom did most of the things for him.

Was I sad? At first, I just feel it was strange that the person I saw everyday on my living room suddenly was not going to be there anymore. I … feel … powerless?? He was not there anymore, and then what? I keep continuing my life? How should I feel? I did not know if this is sadness or just me feeling strange that someone can just go like that.

Worse, I was even think it was better if pass away when he could not do anything by himself. Not because I hate him or feel taking care was annoying—I only watch and did mot do anything, you know? I just … think it was better for him, and my parents. But, well, if only he could be healthy and move freely again, of course I prefer that. But that was mot how the world works. People obviously knew his time would be over soon. And suddenly, he was just … not there anymore.

… Hhh, it was strange, it was only 2 years and now I had already forget how it was before he was starting to forget things, or when was it begin.

So, am I sad? Rather than sad, maybe I just feel strange after all. Why is this world working like this? I do not want to face that kind of experience anymore if I can.

I just hate how my grandpa's death made me realize people could just go from this world without any words one day.

Hanadera Nodoka's Struggle Against Daruizen's Request

Hello, hello! I am back, with theories this time! Do you watch Healin' Good Precure?

Okay, this contains spoiler, so please close this page if you haven't watched the latest episode.

So, remember episode 42, where Nodoka depressed after rejecting Daruizen's request?

Nodoka said it herself that she is not a kind girl, she only thought about herself when she slapped Daruizen's hand. But, I disagree with her exclamation. If she is not one, why did her feel bad about not helping Daruizen? Even though she made up her mind that she has the free will to choose and not everything is her responsibilities, I am sure she is still feel bad somewhere in her heart after seeing King Byougen taking Daruizen's body.

Okay, let me fangirling since this is my ship. This is not theories anymore, but my own fantasy.

WHAT IF SHE ACTUALLY FEELS BAD BECAUSE SHE CARES ABOUT DARUIZEN—no. as I thought, let's cancel this. Even if DaruNodo exist, it is just Daruizen liking Nodoka. Heh.

Okay, so, let's just say that Nodoka care for Daruizen. But, that's it. She is a kind girl, so she can't bear to people struggling, especially if we remember her past. She even scared about being sick again, so I think she also understands better about other people's struggle. That was why she was conflicted about rejecting Daruizen. She does not want other people to feel the same way as her or be in trouble. Nice thing is she has Rabirin on her side.

Anyway, DARUIZEN IS JUST DISAPPEAR LIKE THAT??? HE IS NOT GOING TO BE BACK?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! OFFICIAL?!?!?! HOW THE HECK YOU SPREAD SO MANY BAIT AND JUST LEAVE THESE TWO LIKE THIS?!?!?

THAT SCENE WHEN DARUIZEN GOT PURIFIED, I JUST—UGH.

ANYWAY, IF DARUIZEN IS GONNA REBORN OR ANYTHING, I WILL—I DUNNO, JUST, BRING HIM BACK EVEN IF YOU DON'T GONNA GIVE US THE SHIP.

My Random Infos About Aegis Orta That I Want To Take Note of [CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILER]

Season 1

Prologue

• Zaleos killed Phenex.

Chapter 1

• Val was 15-year-old.
• Linus and Val first interaction.
• Linus was playing with a cat.
• Biology teacher first appearance.

Chapter 2

• Val absorbed another demon for the first time.
• Marc carried fainted Val home. Means Marc should know something ought to have happened, but unknown if he reported to Aria or not after that.
• Val thought that he feels familiar with something and he missed it a lot.
  But, it's unknown if it's the feeling after he absorbed demon energy, Mammon's presence, or Marc's, or maybe just demon's.

Chapter 3

• Aria described biology teacher with "fierce".
• Aria pointed out that Marc is looking to her and Val's way.
  Maybe she's realizing Marc was looking at Val and wondering why Marc did that, or maybe she tried to make Val showing any reaction so she'll know if Val really a demon or not. And since Aria mentioned about Val didn't come to the choir club, maybe she's the one who ordered Marc to find Val.
• As Val was in choir club, he at least must have a decent singing voice.
• Gremory got grumpy because Belial rejected their engagement.
• Berith showed playing with cats.
• The biology teacher was showing up again, introducing Gramory as the new student in Val class, so maybe he's Val's class homeroom teacher.

Chapter 4

• Val said that Gremory has a weird name.
• Jin said to not affected by Gremory's magic because he's with Val. Maybe Jay was too at the first, but he got affected since Val always with Jin.
• Marc showed stand by the school's gate in the evening after school ended, staring at Val. It's kind of weird since he supposed to do his work (disguise). Maybe he's watching Val because he felt Val is not an ordinary student. Or maybe he's waiting for Gremory and watching her as Aria told him to.

Chapter 5

• Jin was living on the 20^th floor.
• Jin called Val when he's reading a book, but Val told him that he's not busy.
  Maybe, Val had an interest in books reading, or maybe he just studying for a test.
• Val showed to love games a lot until he's running to Jin's house to play Tekken 7, but he still can't beat Jin.
• Jin seems to like playing games a lot and has good arms for games.

Chapter 6

• Val was bribed by Jin with WcD's happy meal since the packaging has Minion on them.
• Val cursed on Jin because Jin beat him on Tekken 7 while he was sleepy.
  He cursed "Si Kampret."
• According to Gremory, Jin had sleeping habits, not an early bird, likes Korean drama, likes 2NE1, plays Killstreak, and act spoiled with his mom a lot.
• Gremory accused Val targeted Jin to and wanted to take Jin away from her.

Chapter 7

• Val survived after fell off from 20th floor.
• Val remembered how he survived from a car crash—or it can be called truck crash—while he was chasing a cat when he was a child.

Chapter 9

• It was shown that Marc wanted to say something to Val but interrupted when Aria was calling him to help her.
• Jay was playing the same game with Jin.
• Aria can't put on bandage properly.

Coffee or Alcohol?

Gia since coming back from Japan and starting internship: coffee, coffee, starbucks, coffee, starbucks.

Yeah, I just came back from my student exchange program since February until last July. It's nice to study in Nisshin, Aichi.

By the way, most of the starbucks drinks I bought are sponsored by my mother and er buy starbucks only when there's 50% off—or when there's sometimes buy one get one promotion. No, I not that rich.

No, it's not because I love coffee that much, I just love promotion and so my mom. Starbucks in Indonesia always have promotion, almost everyday. You ask why? I'm sure because starbucks is actually too expensive for most of Indonesian people—maybe because we're stingy, ore we just don't have money—or because we love promotions too much, so that's how the marketing goes in Indonesia.

My other reason for buying coffee: there's no cheap alcohols that I can buy or drink here. Most of the supermarkets are only selling beer and I don't like beer. Ewh.

Eeey, no, I'm not alcoholic, but I just like alcohol. One or two cans of 7%-9% alcohol per week or two is nice for me. But it's not a problem if there's none. Just like ... sometimes I miss the chu-hai or mogitate that I always buy every month at Japan.

My lecturer was right, Indonesian now is full of coffee shop because they've banned alcohols from the konbinis.

Haaah~! I miss Nisshin~!

Another Unwanted Fact (More Random This Time)

Will give an unwanted fact about me because I'm bored.

1) I actually start shipping crossover pairs since I haven't become a fujoshi.
3) I actually kinda possessive with what I like.
3) Maybe I'm a individualist? I mean, not completely, but majorly yes.
4) Actually there's a not-random reason why I start shipping Takashi with KuroBas' characters. Don't forget the "s", thanks.
5) I don't want any partner in "that" way, maybe because I prefer doing mostly everything by myself most of the time--don't get me wrong, I still need friends and love my best friends more than any other people in the world.
6) I'm dreaming about living with my best friends in the future.
7) I don't like to get people into my fandoms and ships.
8) I actually don't really trust other people, but I also too open to people, especially mu best friends.
9) I think of myself as a disturbing person.
10) I can say that I'm not a kind person. I'm a drama queen on my middle year of highschool;. I also like to gossiping on people who's not my friends on their back and approach them like I didn't say anything bad on them. But, I also always try to avoid negative thoughts on people if I could.

Ten facts for now. Will post another facts if I'm into it another time.

By the way, my facts just rule for the time around when I post them, maybe they will change in the future.

Ex-crush

Wtf, how can I laugh when I found my ex-crush Linked in? I used to embarrassed hard everytime I look at his figure back then?

Then, a question randomly popped up in my head, "Are you happy when you still crushing on him back then?"

And I answered it kinda quickly, "No. I'm way far better now."

I still remembered how my brother used to tease me about how I like that boy and told me he gave his OK. But, now, I'm not interested in that kind of thing anymore. My romance thoughts are for my OTPs only because it makes me happier. I'm a shit when I'm into real people. Well, it doesn't mean I'm not a shit now, but I'm a better shit now for myself.

If I could meet past me, I will tell her to let that boy go because she's disturbing him with her feeling and won't get anything. Plus, he's not worth her time, her OTPs worth more.

I don't want to get married by the way, but it's not because of my ex-crushes. Just for anyone know, haha!

Anyway, I just glad that I moved on from my ex-crush and love my OTPs more now. Maybe it sounds like I have no life, but I like this life a way more better than before. I really love my imaginations, and my OTPs worth them.

Struggle in Shipping HakuShin

Let me warn you first. I will rant some of my ... dislikeness ... to a pairing here. So, if you maybe can't stand rants like that, you can just skip this post. I don't want to start a war, just want to rant a little. I don't mind if you ship my NOTP, but please just don't start an argument about pairings with me. I seriously don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. So, once again, if you can't stand rants about NOTP, just skip this. It's not good for your heart. If you still want to read, it's up to you. But, remember, I warned you. And please don't start an argument with me about the pairing, especially my NOTP.

My stuggle as HakuShin shipper: I ship Hakuba and Shinichi ... hard .... But on almost every HakuShin fanfic, Hakuba always have something for Kaito ... which just ... make uncomfortable ... because I just don't ship them .... I have a belief Kaito is either into Shinichi or Aoko, just these two. Yeah, I don't really ship KaiAo, but it's better than HakuKai or KaiHaku.

Gawd. How can I find HakuShin fanfic which don't hinting HakuKai? HOW???

First, HakuShin is really minor. Second, most people ship Hakuba with Kaito. And Third, Hakuba just appeared twice on DC universe. Wow. Now I understand why I don;t really get what I want. :")

Eh, but there's also a good HakuShin fanfic including Kaito out there. I like the fanfic where Kaito was curious why Hakuba spend his time with Shinichi more at some point, and then he tried to find out. There's a scene where Hakuba kissing Kaito, but I think it's okay because he thought Kaito was Shinichi and then realize his mistake right away. What I like on that fanfic: Hakuba seems like don't have anything for Kaito and really love Shinichi. Ah, gawd. If you want to know the title, just ask. :D

Yeah, and back to the topic. So, I really sad that most fanfic authors who make HakuShin fanfic make them have three way with Kaito or make Hakuba have some feelings for Kaito even though he's--sorry--fucking Shinichi. MY POOR SON. PLEASE DON'T DO THIS. I don't mind if Hakuba--sorry, again--fucking Shinichi, BUT PLEASE, NO WITH HAKUBA HAVE SOMETHING FOR KAITO OR KAITOU KID. I CAN'T STAND IT. Why there's so much struggle just to read a good fanfic about one of my OTPs?! :"

Well, I think this is enough. Sorry for the rants. Hope you have a good day with your OTPs. :")